What I've Learned about Marriage and Success - Ephesians 4:25

One of the things that you learn from being married for a while is that it doesn't take a triumphal entry to consider yourself a success.  I can't claim to have made much money in life, nor to have become in anyway famous (outside of a bunch of kids who recognize me as Mr. Powell; not quite the same thing), but I am proud to say that I have found success as a husband.  Now, don't get me wrong, I don't know any secret formulas (even though the bookstores are full of books that claim to have them), I've just tried to take seriously the advice of Paul in Ephesians 4:25 that husbands need to "love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her".
As a pastor, I hope that I have a clear notion of just how much Christ loved the Church (after all, that's what I preach about on a regular basis; Christ's love for us), and let me tell you, that's an ambitious goal.  {Note to husbands: we don't have any chance of matching Christ's love for the church when we love our wives, but that doesn't mean we're not obligated to try}. 
So what does it mean to love your wife as Christ loves the Church?  Step one, you need to put yourself 2nd.  That right there is the root of the problem for most men.  We may be willing to say "I love you", but we're not so keen on saying, "I love you  more than I love myself".  Sorry to rain on your parade, but if you're not willing to go that far, you'll never be much of a husband.
Which brings me back to my original thought; I've had some success in my marriage to my beautiful wife Nicole because I decided early on to demonstrate to her that I care for her more than I care for myself through simple acts of kindess.  Maybe that means bringing home flowers unexpectedly, or leaving a note for her; whatever form it takes, those simple things are the small steps we husbands need to be taking in order to build up our character in relation to our wives.  Guys, it isn't the big moments that make you a better man (because you'll fail in them if you wait for them to decide to step up), it's living like a servant toward your wife each and every day.

What I've learned about marriage and failure

Over the years my wife has wondered if I ever get really upset; I've built up a reputation as a Stoic because of my even tempermant.  Not that there haven't been a few times when I've been pushed beyond my limit to endure, but they've been the rare exception.  In our marriage, this has at times been a blessing, allowing me to be a "rock" for Nicole to lean on.  At others times I've envied the way Nicole can find such release for her emotions, purging herself of the pain or sorrow through tears on my shoulder.
Because of this outward appearance, it may be assumed by some that I'm not all that affected by the emotions in others.  Actually, the opposite is true; nothing brought tears to my eyes quicker as a youth than the sight of my mother's tears (at a couple of funerals in particular); that connection was powerful, but I've found through our years of marriage that it isn't in the same league as the emotins connected to pain in the eyes of my wife.
I grew up being able to do most of the things that I wanted to do; school was easy, sports were not so much, but I found a home in cross-country and eventually in basketball when I finally grew.  My early disappointments (in particular being picked on by bullies as a small kid) were things that I could shake off with a joke or well-timed zinger.
Even during college when I was in a long-term relationship that didn't work out I didn't have that same connection to her that I now have with Nicole.  The end of that relationship hurt a lot, but it was still she and I and not we.  Being married changed everything. (that it doesn't for so many may have something to do with those high divorce statistics)  I no longer faced disappointment alone; if something that I was hoping for didn't happen (a job opportunity for example) I could no longer just laugh it off and allow my natural personality to insulate me.
During the last several years I have had to watch my wife struggle with the financial and job difficulties that we have faced.  I've done everything within my own power to help; but I can't fix the problem.  I've prayed for the situation endlessly; I've prayed for Nicole daily, but I can't make that hurt in her eyes go away.  If I succeed at something, she shares my joy, which is nice, but if I fail at something, Nicole ends up being the one who feels the pain.  Of all of the things in life that I wish I could take back or change, these top the list.  As a man who loves his wife more than anyone else he's ever met, how can I reconcile that love and desire for her to only have good things from our relationship with the stress and pain she feels when I'm not able to "fix" the problem we're facing?  I've spent nights staring up at the ceiling wondering about that; hoping for an answer.
I've always said, "the Lord giveth, and the Lord taketh away, blessed be the name of the Lord" (I didn't make that up of course), but until Nicole and I became one in the eyes of God I never knew how hard it was to say that for the both of us.

Preach the Word - II Timothy 4:2

In the modern Church the responsibilities of pastoral staff have often been segregated into distinct responsibilities (such as youth, outreach, visitation, etc.).  This varies of course with the size of the church.  In a small one staff member church the pastor becomes a jack-of-all trades; doing whatever needs to be done.  The average size church often has someone responsible primarily for the youth as well, and larger churches are able to assign staff to specific needs.
What do all of these manifestations of the role of a pastor have in common?  Perhaps the words of II Timothy 4:2 will help remind us what the core of the pastorate is: "Preach the Word; be prepared in season and out of season; correct, rebuke, and encourage - with great patience and careful instruction."  In the end, no matter what the job description happens to say, a pastor's first job is to Preach the Word.  To be a conduit for the Word of God to his church in whatever times and places are available, with both correction and encouragement, and all of this with great patience and care.
I'll always remember the words of Ed Dobson (at the time, pastor of Calvary Church in Grand Rapids) as he explained why he routinely spent 30 hours each week working on the Sunday sermon; Dobson explained that it was the most important thing he did and that even though he had lots of other responsibilities too, they came second to preaching the Word.
I've certainly never been able to spend that much time on a sermon, but I wholeheartedly agree with the sentiment.  Our responsibility to our flock is multi-faceted, but in the end we'll be held accountable for how we preached God's Word because that Word is the Word of Life.

Staying afloat in a sea of Apathy

For the past several years I've worked as an alternative education teacher during the week along with my ministry.  As you might guess, being in church on Sunday and in school during the week is like living in two different worlds.  For one thing, the respect and courtesy that makes our fellowship at Palo so sweet is a rarity come Monday morning.  It's also such a vastly different world in terms of what people care about in their lives.  For many of my students, there isn't anything beyond the next sexual encounter or use of drugs and alcohol.  Their lives revolve around these attempts at escape; some of them are self-aware enough to realize this, but many are so caught up in this "life" that they don't realize how hollow such pursuits ultimately are.  We as teachers are trying to instill the value of bettering yourself through education to students who are only tolerating us long enough to get home and get high.  Needless to say, in this environment tension runs high, animosity between students is frequent, and teachers shake their heads knowing that their own love of literature, history, or mathematics is not going to be shared.
Why do I keep working here (aside from the paying the bills)?  It's the rare students whom I have actually been able to reach, the ones whose lives I have made a difference in that keep me going.  These students are so very needy when it comes to kindness, understanding, and empathy that the little things that we can do for them can make all of the difference in the world.  I may only have one or two of these students in class this week; but they're worth it.  Reminds me of when Jesus said that he'd leave 99 sheap to go look for one that is lost.  These students may all be lost, most are fighting as hard as they can to deny it, but every once in a while we have one who wants to find their way home. 
All of my students know that I'm a Christian; most know that I'm also a pastor (they've seen me reading my Bible or working on my sermon while they're doing a reading assignment; plus I'm open and honest about it); they're shocked that I've never done drugs/alcohol, but in the end they can clearly see that my life is defined by things that they don't have.  If 99 laugh at me for not wanting to get high, at least 1 is looking at the hope that I have and wondering.

Letting the public decide

I just read an interesting article in today's paper about the Art Prize contest that is being held in Grand Rapids right now. The over 1,200 entries are going to be judged by the votes of the public and cash awards given out to the winners. The article stated that some art bloggers have taken offense at the notion that the public would know anything about art, that we aren't trusting to the critics to tell us what good art is and what is not. Needless to say, I'm no fan of such snobbish behavior (I'm not usually a fan of what the art critics love anyway; Crucifix in a jar of urine remind anyone of something? The critics loved that one).

How does this art debate end up in my blog? There is a similar amount of snobbery amongst some Christian leaders when the people are allowed to read and understand the Bible for themselves. "What do lay people know about the complexities of theology anyway?" they wonder. The primary problem with this line of thought is that it places far too much confidence in the hands of the fallible men who've been called to shepherd God's flock. Yes, we have training and education, but no, we are far from always right. The worst theological notions and decisions in Church history came from the leadership of the Church (some of which we're still dealing with the legacies of). The second problem with reserving interpretation for a class of Church leaders is that the Bible clearly tells us that ALL Christians are equal believers before Christ, indeed we are a royal priesthood (see I Peter 2:9-10; in the past a select few were priests by birth; Peter declares us all to be priest set apart by God).

So, what then is the purpose of Christian leaders? Remember that we are shepherd; ours is not the job of telling each and every sheep what to do all the time; we must look for the stray, for those who have wandered from safety and bring them back home. As a pastor, it is my responsibility to be on guard for doctrine that threatens the faith, to set for the Gospel clearly and preach the Word, but NOT to be an authority and every little thing (we have a final authority, the Word, not any man).

The best thing a pastor can do is teach his people to think Biblically for themselves. Any pastor who wants more control than that is on an ego trip; we're the shepherds of the flock, we're not its masters. Teach the people to think Biblically for themselves.