As a public persona, Rush Limbaugh changed very little in the last thirty years, his philosophy regarding government, animosity toward political opponents, and bombastic style was rather constant despite the significant changes that occurred in America from the early 1990's until the present. Rush Limbaugh didn't change very much, but I did.
Picture it: 1991, a high school sophomore, 16, listens to Rush Limbaugh on the radio, lives in a small rural town that is almost entirely white, attends church three times a week at an independent Baptist church, and begins to be involved in a weekly student led bible study at a teacher's home that will continue through high school when he begins to lead the group while in college. That skinny kid, smart but arrogant, quick with a retort as a defense mechanism, steeped in bible knowledge, but light on biblical wisdom, loved Limbaugh's passion and humor. He laughed at the feminists (he didn't know any), had high hopes for the power of politics to change things for the better, and flirted with the idea of majoring in political science and making a career out of his own hopes for America's future.
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| Icing my knees in 92 or 93 after a run at the Sanford home where our bible study was held |
What changed? First of all, I didn't major in political science, I realized that two major things would stand in the way of a career in politics: I hated asking for money, and I had no penchant for dissembling. The other factor was the bible study that I mentioned previously. Beginning my sophomore year, myself and a group of fellow students that grew to over twenty met weekly at the home of Mrs. Sanford, our Advanced English teacher, to do a verse by verse study of the bible. We didn't use prepared materials, we simply read a verse and people commented upon it. Because of my background in Sunday school, junior church, youth group, 5 day clubs, and especially AWANA, I had more bible knowledge than most, and became one of the regular commentators in our group. I probably talked more than anyone else during our hour each week, that's sounds like me. It was through that group that my eyes began to open to the possibility of ministry as a career, a calling. Eventually, I called my pastor, James Frank, and told him that I felt called to be a pastor. At this point, I was very conservative in my politics, although I had suffered my first disillusionment about the whole business when I voted for the losing candidate in the 1992 presidential election (on my 18th birthday), and I still listened to and enjoyed Rush Limbaugh, I even had both of his books.
One incident that happened at Bible study sticks with me, although at the time it didn't have much of an impact upon my thinking. We were reading Galatians 1:8, But even if we or an angel from heaven should preach a gospel other than the one we preached to you, let them be under God’s curse! and like normal, I shared my viewpoint on the meaning of the text. Unbeknownst to me, there was a Catholic student in our group, and after I proceeded to excoriate the Catholic Church for perverting the Gospel (a very typical independent Baptist viewpoint: see John MacArthur, James White, or Steven Anderson) Mrs. Sanford took me aside and informed me that my words could have hurt that other student. But I was 18, and I knew everything, I brushed it off, my mind was firm. Looking back on it, I wish I had listened to her, but I'm not surprised that I didn't. I really only knew one family that was Catholic, who had a daughter in my grade who was one of my friends, and almost every Christian I knew belonged to an independent church because they were the only ones that our church 'fellowshipped' with. My horizons were narrow, indeed.
Things began to change, although I was still listening to Limbaugh regularly, when I arrived at Cornerstone University in Grand Rapids, Michigan. Not because the school was liberal by any means, all of its faculty were Baptists, and when I first arrived it was still against school policy for students to go the movies (something I had enjoyed since my mom took me to see the Dark Crystal when I was 6, fortunately those scars healed). It was only years later that I found out that Cornerstone was pesona non grata to many from the General Association of Regular Baptist Churches (GARB) or the Independent Fundamental Churches of America (IFCA). How did my education at Cornerstone begin to change my attitude toward Rush Limbaugh? The first thing that it did was expose me to the reality of diversity within Christian history, theology, and the Church today. New books, new authors, new arguments and viewpoints, even when you yourself don't change what you believe very much, your eyes begin to open to the possibility that God could be working with/through Christians whose backgrounds and attitudes differ significantly. At Cornerstone I had amazing professors, they were all conservative by any broad definition regarding theology, culture, and politics, but they were committed to teaching their students HOW to think, not WHAT to think. It was a profound attitude, and a gift from God.
So there I was at Cornerstone, working toward a degree in religion, with a minor in philosophy, more interested in the kingdom of God than the kingdoms of men, and inching away from the certainty and antagonism of Rush Limbaugh. I listened less, I was annoyed more often, but the space between his certainty and my budding realization that other perspectives could honor and please God was not yet very wide.
Two things happened during my senior year in college that moved me further down the path to where I am today. The first was a month spent in Guatemala on a cross-cultural missions trip, and it was indeed an eye opening experience on many levels. The second was the ending of a year and a half's relationship with my college girlfriend, Elizabeth. She and I had similar backgrounds, being raised in Baptist Churches and attending conservative Christian schools (she went to Cedarville in Ohio). Whatever path the two of us might have trod together, it was not the same one I'm on now.
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| The kids who came to our program at Dios Es Amor Church in Chichicastenango, Guatemala |
While at Cornerstone, I also saw a glimpse of ministry being done in a way that transcended politics in the person of Ed Dobson. Not the Focus on the Family Ed Dobson, but the Blinded by Might Ed Dobson, the pastor of Calvary Church whose mega church (before mega churches were everywhere) neighbored the campus of Cornerstone. Pastor Dobson, who went home to glory in 2015 after a courageous battle with ALS, impacted me, although the closest we came to meeting was me sitting in his congregation listening to him preach a couple times. {I highly recommend his
The Year of Living Like Jesus, it is very powerful and touches on some of the themes I'm trying to elucidate here}
After graduating from Cornerstone, I made the momentous decision to seek real-world experience for my resume before continuing on with Seminary training; it was choosing the hard road, though I didn't know it. It did have an impact on my journey away from the politics-centric certainty of Limbaugh because it eventually brought me to both Caledonia United Methodist Church and Oakview Reformed Church, where I worked as a youth pastor/leader for about a year and six months, respectively. It was another step away from a narrowly defined Church toward one that more faithfully encompasses the breadth of God's grace in our world
While working at Caledonia UMC and living in Grand Rapids, I met a soon-to-be Calvin College graduate and future teacher, Suzanne, who ended up moving back home to Minneapolis, MN after we had dated a few times. She found work at a school there, and I considered moving to MN to see if the relationship had long-term potential, but I was stymied by the MN director of GARB because he was unwilling to help a graduate of Cornerstone find work at one of their churches because of how 'liberal' the school was. Flabbergasted at this, and without means of finding work in MN, I remained in MI and continued working as a substitute teacher while trying to secure a more than part-time ministry position.
During this time of transition in 1999, I met the woman who would truly bend the direction that my life was heading, my future wife, Nicole Brzezinski. Nicole, in addition to being a free spirit, was (and is) a devout Catholic. At first, neither of us considered our relationship to be anything more than a friendship, because we couldn't see how any romantic relationship would have a future. As friendships among 20 somethings sometimes go, we found ourselves together, wondering what to do next.
How could I hope to find work at a Baptist church as a pastor if I brought along with me a Catholic wife? How could we get married if I didn't have a full-time job? Life's questions were paramount at the time, politics was far from my mind, and I no longer listened to Rush Limbaugh. Eventually, Nicole and I made our commitment to each other, and were married at St. Alphonsus Catholic Church on June 30th, 2001.
My future as a pastor seemed unlikely, work was not to be found, so I took the few classes I needed to obtain a teaching certification in Social Studies and English, and found work at an unlikely place: Portland Adult and Community Education. This began a ten year stint there that was as much of an eye opening experience for me as my month in Guatemala. Guatemala had shown me the reality of Third World poverty and a church operating faithfully in a significantly different culture from my own; working at P.A.C.E introduced me to students with backgrounds and experiences that had been all around me growing up in rural Ionia County, but outside of my limited church/nerd/runners social circle. It had always been taken as a given by the philosophy of Rush Limbaugh (inspired by Ayn Rand:
The Philosophy of Ayn Rand: Hatred of the authority of God) that America's greatness was due in large part to 'rugged individualism' and those who had 'pulled themselves up by their own bootstraps'. At P.A.C.E. I saw generational poverty firsthand, learned what it was like for my students to have none of the support system that I was blessed with growing up, but instead to need to overcome the presence of drugs and violence in their lives in order to reach for a high school diploma. Life was not as simple and people were not as easily categorized, as the pundits would have us believe. People, experience was teaching me, are not wholly responsible for their own 'success' or 'failure' in life; individualism is not the panacea.
Five years into my teaching tenure at P.A.C.E. I was invited to preach at the First Baptist Church of Palo, MI. The next Sunday I was offered the position of pastor to this small, very rural, congregation. I was there for five years, learning on the job. It was at Palo that I was ordained, although one of the local ministers that I asked to sit on my ordination council abstained from voting in favor because he was unaware when the process began that I had a Catholic wife. I was happy at P.A.C.E. and at Palo, but I needed full-time ministry, and additionally neither position had benefits like health insurance.
Nicole and I struggled during the ten years that I worked at P.A.C.E (five of which I was also at 1st Baptist of Palo), we couldn't keep our heads above water financially, even though our home was a modest one, and when Nicole's health necessitated the end of her 10 years of teaching high school English, we lost our health insurance as well. The school board at Portland didn't consider the P.A.C.E teachers to be worthy of the same pay as other teachers (we made only 1/2 as much), and didn't provide any benefits. My dad worked for Amway for 44 years and that company had treated him well, he was never out of work, and even though we were far from rich, we didn't struggle nearly as much as many others. If not for the kindness of my parents in offering us assistance, we would have lost our house during those hard years after Nicole quit teaching. I was working three jobs, but we barely could pay our monthly bills. If this could happen to the guy voted 'most likely to succeed' who graduated Summa Cum Laude from college, it was further proof that 'rugged individualism' wasn't the whole answer. Our personal struggles opened my eyes further to the needs of those around us, to the structural causes of poverty, and questions about how the Church should respond.
Nicole's Catholicism prevented us from receiving offers from a number of churches, one in Indiana and one in New York both in the fall of 2011. It was heartbreaking, and tearful questions of 'why?' abounded. Thankfully, not every church felt that way. When I told the search committee of the First Baptist Church of Franklin, PA that my wife was Catholic, they were unfazed. We moved here at the start of 2012 with a new 'lease on life', it was a much needed turn for the better.
Western PA is very similar to western MI, but with one significant difference: Baptists and independent bible churches are a small minority (and there are few Reformed Churches), and those churches that are here have a much more ecumenical attitude toward each other. Here in Venango County we joke that you can't throw a stick without hitting a Methodist Church (mostly UMC, but Free Methodist too). In fact, across the corner from our church is First UMC, and halfway down the block is Christ UMC. In response to my choice to move forward with Nicole I had researched and written a 'book' about the ecumenism of 1 John {
Christianity's Big Tent: The Ecumenism of 1 John} while we lived in MI, but here in Franklin I saw the reality of that thesis in practice. What was the thesis? According to the Apostle John, there are three tests of faith/fellowship that determine if someone is a genuine Christian: (1) Do they acknowledge that Jesus is the Christ, the Son of God? (2) Do they have genuine love for fellow Christians? And (3), do they 'Walk in the light', that is, live righteously? That's it. That's the whole list. Nothing about baptism or communion, nothing about church polity, and absolutely nothing about politics. Here in Franklin I began working with committed and God-honoring Christians who were Catholics, Lutherans, Episcopalians, Methodists, Christian Missionary Alliance, Church of God, and on and on. The narrow, us vs. them mentality of my youth, and the certainty with which I responded to Mrs. Sanford's attempt to pour cold water on my self-righteous zeal, were long gone. Here was a community that did not agree on many minor things, but were able to work together because they agree on one very important thing: Jesus.
Somewhere along this journey, between college and moving to Franklin in 2012, my attitude toward Rush Limbaugh soured more than just no longer listening to him or others like him, hyper-partisan punditry began to show itself to me to be a part of the problem, not the solution. In the fall of 2012, having been in Franklin mere months, I became involved in the effort that would lead shortly to the creation of
Mustard Seed Missions of Venango County, an ecumenical para-church charity focused on helping the 'least of these' in our community in partnership with our county's Human Services Department. I've been the President of Mustad Seed Missions since its inception, and we've helped over 1,500 families without a drop of partisanship, replacing it entirely by building relationships within the organization, with the partners we work with, and the clients we help. The Culture Wars didn't create MSM, ecumenism and compassion for those in need did. In other words, it was the Church being the Church, serving the Kingdom of God, not fighting for control of the kingdoms of men.
In the years since the founding of MSM, we also began in our community a homeless shelter, Emmaus Haven, also built upon ecumenism, community support, and partnerships with the local government. This was yet another step away from the philosophy of Rush Limbaugh, as both of these organizations have demonstrated in concrete terms that the government need not be the enemy, and that poverty isn't simply a matter of people not working hard enough.
Thirty years ago Rush Limbaugh was much the same as he was in 2021, the year of his death. I was a lot like him in attitude and philosophy back then, but see very little that we might have had in common anymore. He didn't change much, but I did. How? Why? It was a journey of education, maturity, and discipleship, but mostly it was the 'school of life' teaching me humility and compassion through my own struggles, teaching me ecumenism and cooperation through my marriage and my ministry. It was, I believe, in the end, the journey that God wanted me to take, the person he wanted me to become, it was like so much else, God's grace.
