The difficult truth about the role of women that was lost in the outrage for/against Harrison Butker's speech

 

It was entirely predictable that NFL kicker Harrison Butker's commencement address would be condemned in most blue circles and lauded in red ones.  The click-bait outrage fueled Culture War industry needs new topics on a daily basis, and this one is a near-perfect Rorschach Test that allows both sides to see what they hope to see in it.  For example:

Chiefs' Harrison Butker 'said nothing wrong' during faith-based commencement speech, religious group says - Fox News

vs.

Backlash over NFL player Harrison Butker’s commencement speech has reached a new level - CNN

To read the full text of the speech: Full Text: Harrison Butker of Kansas City Chiefs Graduation Speech - National Catholic Register

While Harrison Butker said a lot of things in his speech about politics, COVID19, and the Catholic Church (especially the Traditional Latin Mass), some of which was good and true but parts of which were conspiracy-theory driven and dangerous, it was his address directly to the graduating women that caught the attention of most:

For the ladies present today, congratulations on an amazing accomplishment. You should be proud of all that you have achieved to this point in your young lives. I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you. How many of you are sitting here now about to cross this stage and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career? Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.

I can tell you that my beautiful wife, Isabelle, would be the first to say that her life truly started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother. I'm on the stage today and able to be the man I am because I have a wife who leans into her vocation. I'm beyond blessed with the many talents God has given me, but it cannot be overstated that all of my success is made possible because a girl I met in band class back in middle school would convert to the faith, become my wife, and embrace one of the most important titles of all: homemaker...

I say all of this to you because I have seen it firsthand how much happier someone can be when they disregard the outside noise and move closer and closer to God's will in their life. Isabelle's dream of having a career might not have come true, but if you asked her today if she has any regrets on her decision, she would laugh out loud, without hesitation, and say, “Heck, No.”

Here is the difficult truth that Butker didn't mention in his speech: For most young women in America today, there is no choice between being a homemaker and having a career.  Most won't get to choose because they will have to work throughout the years in which they may or may not be also fulfilling the role of mother.  Economic realities are, in fact, realities.  

When I was growing up I was blessed to have a mother who was, mostly, able to be at home before we went to school and when we came back home.  My mom, Kathy, worked a few odd-jobs during those years, but it was mostly running day-care out of our home that helped to pay the bills.  My dad, Walt, worked hard for over 40 years at Amway, working his way up the ladder and teaching himself the math that his high school education didn't include.  I'm exceedingly proud of the hard work and dedication of both my dad and my mom during the decades when my brother, sister, and I were growing up.  We were blessed to have both of our parents so involved in our daily lives.  

That was then, it was tight for us with my dad's income as the primary, supplemented by what my mom could earn, but the economic situation for most of my generation-X, and certainly the generations after, has gotten more difficult.

The reality is, most of the women hearing Harrison Butker's speech will need to work full-time, or close to it, if their future family has any real chance of owning a home and paying the bills.  It won't be about choosing the "vocation" of being a homemaker, but the juggling of multiple roles and responsibilities, something women have known about for centuries.

The stay-at-home mom may be an ideal among Christian conservatives {and not just Catholics, see: Why does John MacArthur think it is ok to tell Beth Moore to 'Go home'? - blog post 10/19}, but the economic choices facing would-be mothers and fathers don't care if you root for the blue team or the red team.

I'll let a story from my own life and marriage to Nicole be the last thought here: When we were first married in 2001, my wife worked full-time as a teacher (first at Saranac High School, then Pewamo-Westphalia, both in MI).  That continued for the first 9 years of our marriage.  It wasn't because she wanted to work full-time, but because even with my own multiple jobs added to the mix we struggled to pay our modest mortgage each month, and in fact had a significant debt-load to climb out from under when we moved to PA in 2012.  We both worked hard, but we were spinning our wheels financially.  To make matters worse, from 2010-2012 we didn't have any health insurance.  I was working multiple jobs but none of them had benefits.  I know that this story will sound familiar to a lot of people.

It may come as no surprise, then, that our daughter Clara wasn't born until 2015, after our financial situation had improved significantly (and when we had health insurance).  If God had blessed us sooner with a child, we would have celebrated and praised that blessing, but Nicole would have been forced to return to work as soon as she was physically able after that child was born.  I know many women who have done just that, returning full-time to the work force within a few weeks of giving birth.  I can't begin to imagine how difficult that must be physically and emotionally, they're amazing.

In the end, it doesn't really matter if the "ideal" family in Harrison Butker's view has a stay-at-home mom to the millions of families for whom that "ideal" can never be a reality.

Let us remember to support and encourage the young mothers and fathers in our own churches and communities who are trying to juggle all of the roles and responsibilities that reality has tossed at them.

Sermon Video: Jochebed: A Mother's Courage and Sacrifice - Exodus 2:1-10

In honor of Mother's Day, consider one of the Bible's courageous mothers: Jochebed.  Her name may not be overly familiar to most, but the accomplishments of her son are known far and wide, a son whose very survival depended upon Jochebed's courage and willingness to sacrifice.  The son of Jochebed was Moses, and he would lead his people to freedom, but only because his mother did everything she could to keep him alive as a baby.
Jochebed's desperate plan, putting her 3 month old boy in a basket in the Nile, is well known, but less well understood is that Jochebed fully intended that an Egyptian woman would find the child, leaving Miriam behind with instructions to encourage whoever found the baby to keep and care for him.  In the end, Pharaoh's daughter, Jewish tradition calls her Bithia, did find the baby, and she did have compassion on him, which combined with Miriam's not-very-subtle suggestion that she knew a woman that would nurse him, resulted in the saving of the life of the boy whom Bithia would call Moses.  One last note: In order to save his life, Jochebed had to allow her son to be raised by, and call another woman, "mom"; a gut wrenching sacrifice indeed.
To watch the video, click on the link below:

Sermon Video: Reflections on her birth - various texts

This week's events necessitated a one week hiatus from our study of Titus because it marked the arrival of my daughter, Clara Marie.  My wife Nicole and I give thanks to God for her safe delivery and Nicole's health through the birthing process as well.  There were people praying from Pennsylvania to Michigan, all of whom have our gratitude.
This message focuses on three passages of Scripture that spoke to me as I pondered the experiences of the past week: Luke 13:34, which speaks of God's willingness to help people, but mankind's reluctance to accept it.  I thought of this verse as Nicole went through labor, for I could do nothing to take that pain away, nor nothing to help ease it beyond emotional support.  I wanted to help, and Nicole would have been glad to accept it, but I was powerless to do so.  God has the power to transform the life of each and every person on the planet, it is mankind's stubborn rebellion that holds the grace of God at bay.  The second passage, Hebrews 12:2 speaks of Jesus' ability to look beyond the agony of the cross to the glory that lay in his victory at the resurrection.  In a similar way, mothers going through the labor of childbirth take comfort in knowing that their trial and tribulation will result in new life, joy exists on the other side of pain.  The last passage, Ecclesiastes 11:5, speaks of the mystery of the wonder of human life, of God's amazing hand of creation that forms a distinct human being within the mother's womb.  Witnessing my daughter's birth, I felt the awe of God's creative power, of his ability to turn a biological process in a wondrous gift.

To watch the video, click on the link below:
Sermon Video

Where are the fathers?

When special Sundays roll around it's always an option to take a break in whatever sermon series I'm doing and write something appropriate to that day.  With Christmas and Easter, it isn't an option, the message always reflect the holiday (they are after all, holy days).  With Mother's Day, Father's Day, Memorial Day, the 4th of July, and Thanksgiving, the option is always there when I decide to take it.

This year for Mother's Day I didn't break from the messages I've been preaching in Philippians.  This upcoming Sunday is Father's Day.  Having preached eight messages in a row out of Philippians (from 1:1 to 2:11), I thought it was time for a break.  So where do I turn for a message that will speak to God's people on Father's Day?

If it had been Mother's Day, there would be no shortage of stellar mothers whose stories I could use to illustrate a moral or theme.  I could have used Jochebed, Hannah, Naomi, or Mary (to name some of the easiest choices).  But what fathers can I use who distinguished themselves in the Bible as a father?  Suddenly, the list seems short.  Let's see, how about Abraham?  Ishmael votes no.  How about Isaac?  Esau says try again.  How about Jacob?  Joseph isn't too keen on that one.  What about Eli?  Yikes, both of his sons were notorious sinners.  Then certainly we could use Samuel, his mother was on the list for ideal mothers; nope, both of his sons "did not walk in his ways".  I'm getting worried here; this doesn't look promising.  Then certainly we could use David, isn't he a man chosen by God?  Sadly, Absalom thinks we ought to avoid talking about his relationship with his father.  We could use Joseph, after all he was a man of character in the birth narrative, but we don't know anything about his relationship with Jesus.

Do you see the pattern?  To find a good mother one need simply look around in the Bible, there's plenty of them.  To find a good father, you need the scour the Scriptures or avoid the unpleasant sides of the stories of men like David.

Are you surprised?  If you've spent any time looking at and analyzing our society you shouldn't be.  The single greatest flaw in modern American culture and society is a lack of fathers.  We have plenty of boys willing to create children, but precious few men willing to be fathers.  Men, this indictment falls squarely on our shoulders.  You or I may have fulfilled our obligations, but literally millions of men have miserably failed their children.  Single moms raising their children may be awesome, but they're not meant to carry that burden alone.  Some kids may turn out OK without a father, but the education, social welfare, and criminal justice systems are full to the brim of kids who haven't been so lucky.  We, as American men, have failed.  It doesn't matter which statistic of social ills you look at, they're all made worse by absent or lackluster fathers.  Can anybody honestly not see the connection between teen pregnancy/abortion and absent fathers?  Is it hard at all to see the connection that gang activity, gun violence, and drugs have with fathers who are MIA?

Father's Day is a tough one.  I'm just glad that I can preach about our Heavenly Father; at least then I'll know that everyone in the congregation has a good one.