The difficult truth about the role of women that was lost in the outrage for/against Harrison Butker's speech

 

It was entirely predictable that NFL kicker Harrison Butker's commencement address would be condemned in most blue circles and lauded in red ones.  The click-bait outrage fueled Culture War industry needs new topics on a daily basis, and this one is a near-perfect Rorschach Test that allows both sides to see what they hope to see in it.  For example:

Chiefs' Harrison Butker 'said nothing wrong' during faith-based commencement speech, religious group says - Fox News

vs.

Backlash over NFL player Harrison Butker’s commencement speech has reached a new level - CNN

To read the full text of the speech: Full Text: Harrison Butker of Kansas City Chiefs Graduation Speech - National Catholic Register

While Harrison Butker said a lot of things in his speech about politics, COVID19, and the Catholic Church (especially the Traditional Latin Mass), some of which was good and true but parts of which were conspiracy-theory driven and dangerous, it was his address directly to the graduating women that caught the attention of most:

For the ladies present today, congratulations on an amazing accomplishment. You should be proud of all that you have achieved to this point in your young lives. I want to speak directly to you briefly because I think it is you, the women, who have had the most diabolical lies told to you. How many of you are sitting here now about to cross this stage and are thinking about all the promotions and titles you are going to get in your career? Some of you may go on to lead successful careers in the world, but I would venture to guess that the majority of you are most excited about your marriage and the children you will bring into this world.

I can tell you that my beautiful wife, Isabelle, would be the first to say that her life truly started when she began living her vocation as a wife and as a mother. I'm on the stage today and able to be the man I am because I have a wife who leans into her vocation. I'm beyond blessed with the many talents God has given me, but it cannot be overstated that all of my success is made possible because a girl I met in band class back in middle school would convert to the faith, become my wife, and embrace one of the most important titles of all: homemaker...

I say all of this to you because I have seen it firsthand how much happier someone can be when they disregard the outside noise and move closer and closer to God's will in their life. Isabelle's dream of having a career might not have come true, but if you asked her today if she has any regrets on her decision, she would laugh out loud, without hesitation, and say, “Heck, No.”

Here is the difficult truth that Butker didn't mention in his speech: For most young women in America today, there is no choice between being a homemaker and having a career.  Most won't get to choose because they will have to work throughout the years in which they may or may not be also fulfilling the role of mother.  Economic realities are, in fact, realities.  

When I was growing up I was blessed to have a mother who was, mostly, able to be at home before we went to school and when we came back home.  My mom, Kathy, worked a few odd-jobs during those years, but it was mostly running day-care out of our home that helped to pay the bills.  My dad, Walt, worked hard for over 40 years at Amway, working his way up the ladder and teaching himself the math that his high school education didn't include.  I'm exceedingly proud of the hard work and dedication of both my dad and my mom during the decades when my brother, sister, and I were growing up.  We were blessed to have both of our parents so involved in our daily lives.  

That was then, it was tight for us with my dad's income as the primary, supplemented by what my mom could earn, but the economic situation for most of my generation-X, and certainly the generations after, has gotten more difficult.

The reality is, most of the women hearing Harrison Butker's speech will need to work full-time, or close to it, if their future family has any real chance of owning a home and paying the bills.  It won't be about choosing the "vocation" of being a homemaker, but the juggling of multiple roles and responsibilities, something women have known about for centuries.

The stay-at-home mom may be an ideal among Christian conservatives {and not just Catholics, see: Why does John MacArthur think it is ok to tell Beth Moore to 'Go home'? - blog post 10/19}, but the economic choices facing would-be mothers and fathers don't care if you root for the blue team or the red team.

I'll let a story from my own life and marriage to Nicole be the last thought here: When we were first married in 2001, my wife worked full-time as a teacher (first at Saranac High School, then Pewamo-Westphalia, both in MI).  That continued for the first 9 years of our marriage.  It wasn't because she wanted to work full-time, but because even with my own multiple jobs added to the mix we struggled to pay our modest mortgage each month, and in fact had a significant debt-load to climb out from under when we moved to PA in 2012.  We both worked hard, but we were spinning our wheels financially.  To make matters worse, from 2010-2012 we didn't have any health insurance.  I was working multiple jobs but none of them had benefits.  I know that this story will sound familiar to a lot of people.

It may come as no surprise, then, that our daughter Clara wasn't born until 2015, after our financial situation had improved significantly (and when we had health insurance).  If God had blessed us sooner with a child, we would have celebrated and praised that blessing, but Nicole would have been forced to return to work as soon as she was physically able after that child was born.  I know many women who have done just that, returning full-time to the work force within a few weeks of giving birth.  I can't begin to imagine how difficult that must be physically and emotionally, they're amazing.

In the end, it doesn't really matter if the "ideal" family in Harrison Butker's view has a stay-at-home mom to the millions of families for whom that "ideal" can never be a reality.

Let us remember to support and encourage the young mothers and fathers in our own churches and communities who are trying to juggle all of the roles and responsibilities that reality has tossed at them.

Sermon Video: A prophet without honor - Mark 6:1-6

 "Local boy returns to a hero's welcome", that's what the headline should have read for the Nazareth newspaper (had there been one) when Jesus returned home. Instead, they recognized his wisdom and miracles, BUT scorned him anyway. Why? A toxic combination of pride and jealousy. This is not a rare phenomenon where 'familiarity breeds contempt', but it poisons our relationships and hinders both our churches and our communities. How much talent, passion, and energy have we lost because our pride/jealousy wouldn't recognize it and cultivate it in others?

To watch the video, click on the link below:

Sermon Video: Our Obligation to family and in the workplace - Colossians 3:18-4:1

Having written concerning our obligations to the God who made us and redeemed us, Paul also expresses our obligations within our family structures (wives, husbands, children, parents) and within society as a whole focusing on the slave/master relationship (not of course equivalent to employee/employer, but with principles that can be applied to that modern relationship).  In each case, Paul emphasizes that how we act and interact in our relationships is a form of submission to the will of God, thus if we obey the Word of God in these areas we will do what is fitting/pleasing to the Lord.  There is also an emphasis on the need to be upright in our relationships at all times, not just when it is noticeable, knowing that God will later judge our actions.

To watch the video, click on the link below:

Sermon Video: Marriage and Serving God - 1 Corinthians 7:25-35

To be a good husband, a good wife, a good parent, to truly honor those bonds in a way that please the Lord, takes time, it takes effort, and it takes resources.  This is not news, anyone who is married and/or has children knows this, which leads inevitably to the question: Can you be as effective a disciple of Christ in your service to the kingdom of God as married person and/or parent, as you can be when you are single?  Paul addresses this question while writing to the church of Corinth about their "present crisis".  Because of the difficulties they were facing, Paul encouraged them to remain single if they were, given that the "time is short" so that they might be "free from concern".

In the end, this is not a moral question of right and wrong, God has created some of us with a heart for singleness and some for whom marriage and children is a deep longing.  In order to be the servant for the kingdom of God that we have been called to be we ought to embrace that calling, if single utilizing that extra time and energy to serve others, if married working together with our family to remain united in service to God together.

To watch the video, click on the link below:

Out of Control: The unspoken cost of over-scheduled children

The most recent issue of Time magazine featured a cover story, "How Kid Sports Turned Pro" which highlights many of the financial dangers to families of the traveling sports teams for children, some younger than ten, which can cost a family tens of thousands of dollars a year in the pursuit of the dream of raising a professional athlete or simply netting a college scholarship.  In addition to this financial burden, the article emphasizes the serious potential for emotional and physical injury to these children (from the frantic schedules, high pressure performances, and too specialized exercise).

All of these things, and more, should be warning signs to parents of the danger of over-scheduling the lives of their children, and of raising a narcissist by teaching that child that the world revolves around him/her, and yet there was one area of danger that the article failed to address: the elevation of these athletic pursuits above devotion to God.   It should come as no surprise that the weekend tournaments that families travel, often half-way across the country to attend, necessitate that the family will not be attending church on Sunday.  As a pastor, I've seen this trend increase over the years, as families feel pressured to choose the hobby/sport that their child loves (or at least the parent thinks they love it) over spending time as a family in the house of God at worship.

Going to church isn't the priority it once was and our society (and countless individuals and families) have lost an intangible asset as a result.  In a world where human connections are more tenuous and rare, our spiritual connection to God and each other looms ever more crucial.  Will my child someday participate in a sport that holds games/tournaments on Sunday morning?  No, she will not, and not just because I'm a pastor and my absence would be noticed; because my wife and I recognize that our time spent as a family in the house of the Lord is an invest in our family and an example to our daughter of how highly we value God.



** This is not an indictment of parents who must work on Sunday to provide for their family, such things are unavoidable for some, nor does it concern those who miss church to take a family vacation or attend a family event.  My concern is with those for whom church is such a low priority that attendance a "we're not doing anything else" option instead of being the high priority that our devotion to God ought to demand of us.**

Sermon Video: The Steadfastness of Jotham - 2 Chronicles 27

In an era when fame, for any reason, at any price, is valued highly by so many, it is certainly worth our time to consider those mentioned in the Bible who aren't household names, never having achieved either fame or infamy.  Jotham, as a king of Judah, fits into that category.  Because Jotham died at only 41, his 16 years on the throne were not memorable enough to make us remember him as we have other kings of Israel and Judah, whether that be for their righteousness or their wickedness.
Jotham, unlike his father who died of leprosy as God's judgment, lived a life of steadfast devotion to God, consistently doing his best with what he had to work with during the time that was allotted to him.  It wasn't flashy, but it was a life pleasing to God, and just as importantly, devoid of the regrets that had plagued his father, grandfather, and great-grandfather.
Jotham also showed wisdom in that he retained that which he learned from his father's capable administration of the kingdom, and at the same time entirely rejected the mistake that his father made in pride of presuming to usurp priestly duties.  For anyone to emulate what was good about our upbringing, and reject that which was bad, and then go on to live a life of walking before the LORD steadfastly, surely this is a worthy life.  You may not remember Jotham, but any of us should be glad to have a life lived as honorably.

To watch the video, click on the link below:

Sermon Video - Ruth's Choice: Your God, My God - Ruth 1:1-18

In this first message of five covering the book of Ruth, the story begins with the unfolding of the tragedy that engulfed Naomi and her daughter-in-law Ruth.  Naomi's husband, Elimelech, moved his family during a time of famine from his portion of the Promised Land in Bethlehem of Judah across the Jordan River to the land of Moab.  From our perspective a simple economic choice, something we see in great abundance in our world today with its flood of migrants, but for the Covenant people the choice to leave the land is actually a moral one, a choice made by Elimelech that reflects poorly on his trust in God's providence.
In Moab, Elimelech dies, his two sons marry Moabite women, another moral choice with the potential for bringing foreign gods into the mix, and then after ten years both of Naomi's sons die.  At this point, Naomi is left without support and without hope for her future, a point the original Hebrew text highlights by calling her "the woman" instead of Naomi.  Naomi decides to return to Israel, where the LORD has given his people relief from the famine, and her daughters-in-law Orpah and Ruth begin the journey with her.  Naomi stops on the way and insists that these two young women who could still marry new husbands and have children must return to their mother's house and seek their own lives.  Naomi is bitter, feeling that the hand of God is against her, not seeing any potential way for the line of Elimelech to continue, seeing only lonely poverty in her future.  Orpah makes a rational choice to listen to this advice and parts from Naomi in sadness, Ruth however, makes the emotional choice to remain with Naomi and punctuates this choice with a beautiful oath of loyalty to Naomi's land, people, and God.  At this point the text does not indicate that Ruth knew the LORD or followed him, her choice is based upon love for her mother-in-law.  As the opening of Ruth ends, the two women continue on, Naomi returning home and Ruth entering into a strange new land.
There are two lessons in the opening segment of Ruth: (1) That even small choices can have consequences, both good and bad, and (2) the tremendous power of love and loyalty.  The question that remains is this: Will God alleviate the bitter sorrow of Naomi and reward the faithfulness of Ruth, and if so, how?

To watch the video, click on the link below: