It was in the fall of 2014 that I put Nicole's first sonogram into our Sunday worship PowerPoint and told the congregation that I had a picture to share with them. There were gasps right away from the ladies who knew what they were looking at, everyone else needed an explanation. Clara Marie was born in 2015, changing my wife Nicole's and my own life for good, and changing it for the good.
I spent a lot of time dealing with unpleasant ideas and people, that isn't an indictment of my congregation or this town, as they have been stupendous in their support of myself and my family, but a reality that reflects the human condition. I research, write, and speak about racism, nationalism, sexism, corruption, abuses of power, heresy, greed, lust, and all the rest. I also get to talk about love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness, and self-control (the Fruit of the Spirit), but my own nature as a communicator and my personality often draw me toward those people and causes who need to be defended against evil. What does any of that have to do with Clara? Clara is a ray of sunshine and a breath of fresh air. She hugs her dad with clinging arms and gives far too moist kisses. She laughs with gusto, believes the best is possible, and doesn't know yet that life and people can really kick you when you're down. I know that some day Clara will change, somebody will disappoint her, break her heart, but I'll appreciate every day that she has remaining with her youthful optimism, and pray that they continue.
That Clara is about to be 9 already also reminds me of our need to make the most of the time we have in this life, to borrow from Dead Poets Society, we need to "seize the day." Clara being 9 reminds me that I came to Franklin more than 12 years ago, that now more than half of our married life has been spent here in PA. Until 2023, the longest tenure of my career had been teaching at Portland Adult and Community Education, now it is being here at First Baptist of Franklin. Unless God has plans for me that I don't know about, this will be the longest and most impactful chapter of my life; that it also happens to coincide with the years that I have been blessed to be called "Daddy" by my little girl only amplifies that thought.
I also think at times of reflection like this about the men and women who haven't been blessed with the role of parenthood, and those who have become estranged from, or have mourned their lost children. It was at a funeral a few years ago when a church member about my own age asked me to read a poem about her dad that I realized that being a dad had changed my emotional make-up. Funerals can be hard for me, other peoples' grief can hit me hard (that's inherited from my mom) but this wasn't that, it was the thought that popped into my head of Clara having to grieve me some day that choked me up so thoroughly that day. That being said about a child mourning his/her parent, I can't imagine what those of you who have carried the scars of a child who was only in your hopes, or who was with you for far too short a time, have been through. May God grant you peace, that you still function each day with that pain is a testament to the strength you must have.
Lastly, being Clara's dad is one of the top three things I've ever had a hand in. I say top 3 because I'm not counting being a child of God who was redeemed by Jesus as something I had a hand in, that was 100% God's grace, the Spirit's calling, and my parents' faithfulness; I don't take any credit on that one. Those three things are, then, being the pastor of a congregation, Nicole's husband, and Clara's dad. God has been good to me, I'm blessed with all three of those right now, and the knowledge that the one that was all grace (my salvation) will remain even if/when the others have come to a close.
If you read this someday, Clara, know that your dad is amazed by his Silly Pants* and loves you more than the words he's typing can ever express.
*The nickname Nicole gave her, appropriately she has embraced this accurate description and refuses to have any other nickname.
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