I am a firm believer in the merits of 40 Assets Model (The Developmental Assets Framework). Long story short, this model predicts that the more positive assets a child has growing up, the more likely that child will be to avoid negative behavior and outcomes. For example: A child with 34 of the 40 assets will be less likely to experiment with drugs or drop out of school than a child with 7. Statistical likelihood is not determinism, some children with a high score may still struggle, and some with low scores will succeed in spite of them. However, by and large, when we can, as parents and as a community, it is more than worth our investment of time and money to help ensure that as many children as possible are given the chance to develop more assets. What is an asset? Parental involvement, positive peer influence, high expectations, safety, caring neighbors, other adult relationships, youth programs, religious community, etc.
Looking back on my childhood, I had ample parental involvement, high expectations, a group of friends that were a positive (if nerdy) influence, and all sorts of other assets. I was truly blessed with an abundance of assets during my formative years. Two of these in particular are connected to the purpose of this post: religious community and other adult relationships. My family attended church services at Galilee Baptist Church on Sunday mornings, Sunday evenings, and Wednesday evening. We went to Sunday School, I was involved in Junior Church, VBS, 5 Day Clubs, Christian camps, and later youth group. There was no lack of God-centered influences in my life. As you can imagine, I would highly recommend to parents that they involve their children (and it makes a big difference to the kids if their parents are involved as well, not just dropping them off) in church activities. Multiple activities, regularly. It is an investment that will pay tremendous dividends later on.
That being said, it is unfortunate that we need to add a warning: Parents make sure that the church you involve your kids with is taking Child Abuse prevention seriously. Make sure they follow the state guidelines, and more than that, that they have no tolerance for situations that have the potential for abuse. "Nobody ever thought that X would be a child molester" has been said over and over. Parents need to make sure they know that their kids are not being put into situations where their child is alone with a potential abuser. And since abusers are, by their nature, difficult to spot, that warning needs to apply across the board. It is easier, logistically, to assume that our kids are safe, that it won't happen here, but we're be foolish to do so. From the perspective of a church pastor, I would never allow anyone to work with children that I have even the barest hint of worry about, but that's not enough. We have rules and procedures in place for a reason.
This need for rules and multiple people keeping an eye on things was brought once more into focus at the multi-site church, Menlo Church, led by Pastor John Ortberg. After great success (by all accounts) at the church, Ortberg's tenure ended in resignation because he failed to be proactive about a potentially dangerous situation involving children and a youth worker (in this case his son). {John Ortberg and the Pitfalls of Pastoral Discernment - by Daniel Harrell, editor, Christianity Today} Once again, one person's judgment is not sufficient, abuse (potential or actual) is not an area in which church leaders should be making their own judgment.
The second area that I was blessed with abundant assets as a youth was that of 'other adult relationships'; in my case that meant coaches. From elementary school on, I played three sports a year, and a couple of my coaches transcended the coach-player relationship to become a mentor, and as I grew older, even a friend. Two stand out, both of whom were teachers at Saranac: Don Videtich, who had the misfortune of coaching me in basketball for several years, and Cindy Sanford, who stepped out of her comfort zone to coach cross-country. To be a kids' sports coach is a tremendous opportunity to affect young people with positive values of teamwork, dedication, and sportsmanship. It is also a chance for adults to model proper behavior to kids, to show an interest in kids who might otherwise slip through the cracks.
Unfortunately, we need to remember the exact same precautionary warnings about coaches too. The idea that prompted this post was an article from ESPN about a female Texas Tech women's basketball coach being fired after allegations of horrendous abuse heaped on her players {Texas Tech fires Marlene Stollings after report alleging abusive program}. Sadly, we're no longer shocked that an institution like a college has to wait for a report to take action, that no oversight was in place to stop the alleged actions up front. What happened at Texas Tech is also a reminder that we can't let stereotypes dull our vigilance as parents (and community members in general). Even if the vast majority of abusers are male, that doesn't mean we can ignore ideas of safety if the coach is a woman. Even if young children are more vulnerable, that doesn't mean we can assume that teens or young adults can 'take care of themselves'. The pressure on kids to conform, to 'not rock the boat', and the fear of embarrassment should they speak up, is terribly real, don't put the onus on them to report abuse.
So, where does that leave us? We know that kids absolutely need mentors beyond their own family, that the influence of religious organizations and adult mentors like teachers and coaches can have a huge positive impact for the rest of your kids life. Allowing the potential negatives to convince us to 'bubble wrap' our kids isn't the answer, vigilance is. We, and as the father of a precious little girl just starting kindergarten, I do mean we, need to have our eyes and ears open, and not just for our own kid's safety, for every kid. How can we best do this? By being involved along with our kid, volunteer to help out, both those religious and sporting programs could use the extra help.
